Doula Reads is a series, where I share the books that changed my work in more ways than I can count.
‘ Manual for Heartache’ by @catrentzenbrink is a once in a lifetime book. I’ve read it countless times and recommended it even more often. It’s found me when I needed it the most and has influenced my work deeply.
In fact, on a day of reality shattering grief and heart ache, I walked into @noalibisbookstore somewhat aimlessly – I am dyslexic after all, so a book shop is not a common stop on my wanderings. A guy in there asked if I was okay, if he could help. When I said I was looking for something that felt like crying under a duvet with a tub of ice cream, he nodded and reached straight for this book. I read it in one go. Under my duvet with a tub of ice cream and many tissues.
This book is tender and powerful, inspiring and soothing, unassuming and mind blowing – all wrapped up in one. It does what very few books can: make you feel entirely understood and validated in the pain of heartache while simultaneously showing a pathway back to a daring, loving way of living.
When Cathy was still a teenager, her brother ended up in a coma and , after 8 years of uncertainty, was allowed to finally die. The limbo of that tragedy, alongside the guilt, pain, and reflections of being a position like this, have equipped her to speak the language of grief support with heart and wisdom. I’ve read many of her books, but this one remains my favourite.
I’ll leave you with an idea from the book that has stayed with me the loudest. (I’m paraphrasing. Go get the book to read this put more eloquently).
Everything in life is much more and simultaneously, much less about us than we think it is. Much less, because whatever we’re going through is a human experience that someone else has had before and someone else will likely have in the future. And much more personal, because in nearly every difficult situation we have more choice and agency than we remember.
Gra mór,
Patricia
#death #doula #trauma