With the more violent than usual outbursts of racism across the UK and the genocides witnessed online in past months, I have been having even more political conversations with friends and family than usual. The phrase ‘ explain it to me like I’m five’ has been uttered quite a lot. It made me think about how I have been introducing topics such as social justice, wage parity, human rights, and abolitionism with the little ones in my care.
There is a misconception that children feel safe in a world where nothing bad ever happens. But that’s not true. Children feel safe in a complex world knowing that their grown ups are part of creating a change, that their grown ups can be trusted, and that their grown ups are brave enough to hold it all. Parenting will brings us face to face with integrity. Be prepared to put your believes into actions so that you can show your children how you are an active part in solving some of the problems in the world.
Beyond that, here are my 5 Top Tips when talking to kids about Social Justice:
1.Answer in your own time and only if it feels right.
When kids come and ask you one of those questions that stops you in your tracks, first and foremost take a breath and take your time. If you don’t feel like you’re in the right head space to answer or the circumstances aren’t appropriate, just tell them that. It might take some time to get clear on how much information is appropriate for their stage of development and you might even conclude that there is no way to explain this answer without opening a can of worms.
‘ That’s a great question. Lemme have a think about how to do it justice. Why don’t we snuggle up and talk about it when we get home?’
2.Validate what they observe and let them know you share their reality
Most often, children are ready for social justice because they see either injustice or advocacy against it happening all around. Whether they see an unhoused person on the streets, they can’t go to the museum because of strike action, or because they meet displaced children at the park, their tiny world has lots of points of contact already. Simply validating your child’s observation is a powerful tool to let them know that their version of reality matches yours.
‘That person is sleeping on the side walk.’-‘You’re right. Let’s offer them some money.’
3.Ask them what they know, meet them with curiosity.
Sometimes your child has been exposed to social justice ideas without you knowing it, whether it’s a conversation they’ve had with another trusted grown up, they’ve watched an episode of a socially conscious tv show, or they simply overheard a conversation you didn’t intend them to. Getting a feel for their understanding can help alleviate misinformation or misunderstandings, and it can help avoid revealing too much too soon. Ask them what they know and help them fill in the gaps!
‘That’s a great question, and what a big word. What do you know about refugees so far?’
4. Drip-drop bits and pieces of information into their minds over time.
Go ahead and answer their question, but don’t turn it into a lecture. Children are pretty good at self-sensoring. They might only be able to process one piece of information and that can take time. Once they have a new question or need further clarification, they will come and ask. You’re probably all too familiar for the endless questions of ‘But WHY’. Take a win when you get one, but also keep including social justice ideas in little moments. It’s so much harder to address them under the pressure of a big emergency. Fairness, empathy, diversity and human rights can be found in every day life all the time! Make them conscious when playing with friends, buying goods in ethical ways, building a relationship with the world around them, and by including your little when you show up for social justice in your community. When it’s a normal part of life they get to learn at a slow and steady pace.
‘Why is that man sleeping on the side walk?’ -’He’s unhoused. He doesn’t have a home right now.’
5.Most importantly: Be honest.
Lastly, be as honest as you can be. Even if your best take of honesty is letting them know that you don’t think their brains are ready to process that information yet.
If you choose to answer the question, make sure you use appropriate language. This includes using medical terms for body parts instead of cosy names, and avoiding euphemism (e.g. calling death eternal sleep). Kids often take our words literal, so having to translate words in a social context can leave a lot of room for misunderstandings and confusion. Giving your children appropriate language is a form of keeping them safe and helping them understand conversations in the world around them.
That being said, it’s also okay to somewhat limit what you’re sharing and how you’re doing so. Understanding childhood cognition plays a huge part in how we explain the world to them. Your little ones don’t have the ability to rationally discern information and their thought process can sometimes lead to false conclusions.
We wouldn’t expect them to control their impulses, lift heavy items, or take on the same amount of chores as adults do. It’s perfectly fine to say to a child ‘ I don’t think your little brain is ready for that information yet. But you can trust me and the other grown ups to take care of it. ‘
Navigating this ever expanding world is tricky. The more we find small ways to introduce concepts and model social change behaviour, the easier it will be to have these conversation.
Thank you for all you’re doing, and for giving this future generation a chance to build a more compassionate and equitable world for all.
With Love,
Patricia