Death & Grief
And whatever you’re going through, know that you don’t have to cope alone.
You Are Not Alone
Death Care is in my Bones.
From a young age, I was raised in a culture where death and dying was a family and community affair. I watched the rituals of burial mourning with curiosity. They didn’t feel desperate or heavy to me, instead there was a relative comfort in the certainty of knowing what we do when someone dies. We flocked to the house where the person died, brought food to the family. We’d go say the rosary the night before, put on our funeral clothes – my mother was exceptionally particular about how we dress and behave at the graveyard. Six weeks later we’d go to mass and say our prayers. We learned young to check in on the bereaved. Knowing that the first year was hard, but the second year was lonely. So we made a point to say their loved ones name and ask about their grief even more so in the later years.
My grandmother’s
restaurant would host the wakes and gatherings.
As children we were mostly looking forward to the sandwiches, but as we grew older it was a badge of honour to wait on the guests of funerals because we came to understood that value of being in community when life is re-adjusting.
I watched my mother care for our aunties in their later years and all the way to death.
Death was part of life. After funerals we’d sit together, my dad remarking on a song he liked and wanted noted for his service when the time came. ‘I don’t want a single dry eye in that church when I go’, he’d say. We’d go to mass, especially when someone’s name was read that day. We’d go and tend to the graves year round. Making sure the flowers were fresh and seasonal. We’d reference certain responses granny would have given when someone said something cheeky at the dinner table.
Death was a big deal… but we had rites and rituals that made it tangible.
Our loved ones were taken care of with dignity. And life continued differently, sometimes sadly, but wholesome nonetheless.
Imagine my surprise when I started travelling and realised that this was far from normal! It made me realised that dying, tending to the dying, and grief in itself was a skill set most of us have forgotten… or maybe we were never taught to begin with.
I’m so grateful that I now get to be the person other scall when someone is dying and they’re unsure what to do.
I feel my ancestors at my back when I tend to those holy moments after a last breath. In my work I support baby death and loss, memorials and grief processing, and recovery from sudden or violent death. But I also show up for the mourning that is less acknowledged by our society – after a breakup, loosing a job, being unable to conceive, forging a path that doesn’t meet other people’s expectations. I let others grief for the parts of themselves that are lonely, and the things they so desperately needed but were never given.
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30 mins to connect with me
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£60 – £750
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Hands oWhether you are preparing for the death of a loved one, are nearing the end of your own life, or are trying to find a way forward after loss – I’m here for you.
Baby Loss Companion Training
£375 – 775
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